literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
