my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize