My first STD was from a foam party
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Randomize
