i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize