I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
