the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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