after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
