It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
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