Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
