I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
