thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
