Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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