i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
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