I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
