I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
