she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
