I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Randomize
