I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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