WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
