They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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