Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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