FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
