I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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