U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
