I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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