I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
