WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
