My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
