I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize