Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
