I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
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