We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
