after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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