zippers are such a cool invention
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
