They should really pass out barf bags in church
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
