So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
