She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
