They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
