Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
