I threw up into my coffee this morning.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize