she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
