There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
