Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
