I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
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