I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
