i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
