It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
