the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
