Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
