You're my little dorito
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
