Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
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