can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
