K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
