and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
