Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
