So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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