Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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