If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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