I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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