The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
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