I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
