Dual....:-)
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
