I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
