I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Randomize
