all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
