she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
