Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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