Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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